Well, I turned 30, and I too was depressed. Not because my life is on a downhill slope or any of that other typical age stuff. My depression is because I look back on my life, and I don't feel successful at all. Not that I'm thinking "OMG, MY LIFE IS OVER". Its like, wow, I'm running out of time to make my mark. I have very little college under my belt, and my job is on the rocks due to budget cuts. What the hell have I been doing since high school! I could probably go back to school. There are plenty of people my age still in school. The problem is that I fucked around so much in my early college days that now, I have to somehow squat and shit out 2 semesters of tuition out of my pocket.
So, what can I do TODAY. What can I do to move my self into the right direction. The first question to ask is, what am I missing from my life. What circumstance can I change in this moment to better my situation. I have always been a bit of a recluse, so I decided to come out of my shell even if it kills me and make some new friends. I log on to facebook to look up some of my old high school buddies....They are all married and have kids....fabulous! School and Work make it so easy to find people to hang with. I feel like the dude in I love you, man. I need to go on some man dates!
Something else I can attempt to change today is to find "Someone" This isn't something I can do overnight, and this certainly isn't something I need to rush into. I do enjoy the companionship of a lady though. Someone to watch movies with and laugh with. I have met a few women along the way since the divorce, but none (except for one) really stick out for me as someone I desperately want to spend time with. I was so messed up in the head from the divorce at that time, that I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm certifiable at this point.
Yes I know...the inevitable LOSE WEIGHT! I wish I could close my eyes and wrinkle my nose and not be a fat ass. However, we all know that is never going to happen. I started this blog as a weight loss blog, and I have FAILED UTTERLY AND MISERABLY at losing weight. I have this gym membership that sits in my pocket, and I never use it. It's so easy to blame it on my reclusivity and depression, but frankly, I'm tired of hearing myself say it.
Once again (for the first time in 2 years) The doctor has changed my meds. Hopefully I can get out my slump of not wanting to move and get to the gym. This would be much easier if I had a swimming partner! Hopefully Phillip will be able to start swimming with me again and keep me motivated.
Now on to the most pressing matter. My career or lack thereof. I say lack thereof, because EVERY FREAKING PLACE I WORK SHUTS DOWN. Oh, a Store Director at Circuit City? Yes please. NOPE BANKRUPTCY.
OH! A nice career as a CS/LAN COORDINATOR Thank you! NOPE BOUGHT OUT!!! CLOSED THE PLANT!
OH!!! An IT HELPDESK COORDINATOR with room for advancement? YAY!!! NOPE! We're passing you over because the board wont let us fill your old position and that would be inconvenient. Speaking of which, they want to eliminate your position.
OK. WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS HAPPENING HERE! Is a stable career too much to ask. Hell the most stable job I ever had was slathering mustard on buns at Sonic. How messed up is that.
So, now, here I am....30 years old. Single, very few friends, Fat, Broke, and almost Jobless. One of these things need to change before I put my head through a wall. So from now on when you turn 30 or 40 or 50 or EVEN 60! Look first at what you HAVE RIGHT NOW, not at whats going to happen as you get older. I bet you money that you really shouldn't be depressed about a number.
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