One decision....

As my readers know, I have struggled with my weight for a very long time. I have wanted to have surgery for about 2 years now. It is very expensive, and I am unable to pay for it, so I have tried a couple of different avenues where a "Charitable Surgery" might be possible, but these problems rarely include bariatric surgery as a necessity. They are afraid to open the box and start doing these surgeries for free due to the financial impact it could have on their bottom line. After all, there are A LOT of obese people out there that legitimately need the surgery.

Some readers right now, and scoffing at me. "Why don't you just diet and exercise. You don't need surgery."
These are the people that don't know my medical history. They don't see what I have tried in the past, and how many times I have failed. Not because I haven't been committed to it, but because every time I do, it causes issues. Either back, knee, ankle, or hip issues immediately follow.

I have tried fitness boot camp, swimming, dieting, and diet pills (Against my doctors recommendation). Despite all these, I have NEVER lost more than 10-15lbs, and immediately regain the lost weight and then some. My doctor printed my vitals history from 2000-present. It looks like a mountain. Every single weigh in since 2000 I have put on at least 2 lbs. I went from 215 lbs in 2000, to 400 lbs in 2013. The sheet they gave me marked where I went on diets according to my interviews with the doctor. It made no difference.

So, that led me to where I am today. Last year, A great lady at a local hospital (name omitted for privacy) told me about a state program that will, in some cases, pay for bariatric surgery if you are at risk of serious health problem, disability, etc. The idea is that the State would rather pay for your surgery now, than to foot the bill for disability, unemployment, etc later.

She took me under her wing and has taken a personal interest in helping me get the surgery I need. It took me a full year to get together everything I needed. Diagnoses, letters of medical necessity, psych eval, seminars, and a whole host of other things. I finally managed  to get everything together, and had an appointment with the organization that does these surgeries.

He was very nonchalant about the whole meeting today. I'm not sure he realized that I have spent an entire year gathering this information. He explained that any "grants" over $5,000 had to be reviewed by a doctor and approved by a district manager.

The doctor doesn't bother me. I have been told by 4 different Dr.s and a surgeon that I have a medical necessity at this point for the surgery.

I wonder, however, if the district manager knows what kind of impact his decision could make on my life. To him, its just 15k. They will have some formula to look at most likely, to decide if its cost effective for them to pay for my surgery. I wonder if he actually realizes that his decision could effectively add years to my life. Do you think he realizes this? Or is this just another stack of papers on his desk. Is it just a check he has to approve?

I wish I knew who it was that made this decision, and I wish I could explain to him what this surgery could do for my kids and I. For the 1st time in my adult life, I could be given a chance to live a healthy lifestyle, because I can tell you for a fact that I will happily lead a more active lifestyle once I am able to. I will never let myself get to this point again. I'm perfectly willing to exercise now, I'm just not physically able.

I feel like if I don't get this surgery now, I will just continue to gain weight, and die young of some co-morbidity thing.

I just wish I could express this to the guy that just has to sign a piece of paper to change my life. I mean, don't get me wrong. There are others out there that are worse than me. I also realize that it is my fault that I let myself get this far along. I would just like the second chance that this will give me.

I guess for now, all there is to do is pray, if that's your thing. I have done everything I can at this point.

I'll keep you updated, and if I get the surgery, maybe i'll have something good to blog about instead of just rambling all the time.

A big project...

 I often have a bad habit of making big plans, and not following through 100% of the time. Not out of laziness, but mostly because something else will come up that I deem more important. I blame ADD, but that remains to be seen.

I try not to announce anything to anyone until I know it's something I am committed to. There are certain things that I will start, and it as if I have laser vision. I will work on it until its finished.

I am no writer by any means. If you are a regular reader of the blog, you know that I don't pay a lot of attention to formatting or grammar. I try to catch most of my spelling errors, but I'm sure my high school english teacher would cringe if he ever took the time to read some of my posts.

With all that said, I was recently inspired by a song I heard by The Decemberists. The song is called "Crane Wife" There are 3 parts to the song, and it is based on an old folk tale. The song interested me, so I looked up the folks tale. There have been a few renditions and books of the story, but they surprisingly lacked any sort of creativity. There is one book out there that is a rehash of the folks tale, but frankly, I didn't care for it.

I decided to take a new approach to the story and started kind of brainstorming. It led to an idea, and planted a seed in my head.

What if I rewrote the story? I could give it a modern spin and write it how I see it. I started imagining what I could do that was different from the original but still portrayed the moral of the story, which I feel is a beautiful and tragic one.

One day, I got bored and started typing. I was surprised at how quickly the words were flowing. Next thing I knew I had over 6000 words, and its still coming. I'm roughly 1/3 through the book at this point.

I don't expect to get published and become famous, because frankly, I'm not that good of a writer. This is more of a time killer project. I will however, reveal the finished work here.

I am also in need of "Beta Readers" Beta readers should be people that enjoy reading, and can critique what I have and make suggestions. If you are interested, please send me an email or comment below.

Here is the song that inspired the book