The first week of my new beginning....

     I started my new job this week. So far, everyone there seems to be very nice. I am getting along very well with my direct co-workers, and my boss. It has definitely been a challenge to try to get use to the early hours. I find myself napping when I get home which in turns into me being up until 4 AM. I did survive my first week though, and managed to make some new friends while doing it.
     With the new job, I decided to start looking for my own place in order to get out of my mom's house. I quickly learned that housing in the Jonesboro area is incredibly expensive. I set out with a $500 a month rent budget and that was quickly shattered after looking at a couple of $500 apartments. They were all either 300 years old with no central air, or they were in the ghetto and falling apart. I found out very quickly that I would have to change my budget to $600 a month if I wanted to get something nice. I found a very cute little apartment that I settled on. It doesn't have much of a kitchen, but I can live with that. I don't do just a whole lot of cooking anyhow. Its mostly stovetop things or oven baked meals.

As you can see, its modest, but it will be just me most of the time, so I think I can manage just fine.

     I haven't been doing good AGAIN at keeping a food diary. Its so hard to remember when you are just kind of bouncing around looking for a place to land. The last thing on my mind is updating my food diary!

     I'm currently in the process of trying to purchase a new domain, in which case my website would change to just bigfatloser.com. Whoever has the site now, obviously isn't doing anything constructive with it.

CLICK ME TO SEE

     I have sent an email to him, and called him, and have yet to get a response. I am really hoping to hear from him soon.

     I guess that's all I really have going on for now. Next week, I have to worry about moving, and I will post pictures of the finished apartment. Luckily, Amanda was kind enough to give me our old washer and dryer for the new unit. It wasn't being used anyhow, but it was still a kind gesture considering I gave them to her, and suddenly asked for them back.

Until next time!!!

Remembering....The Westside Shooting

    14 years ago today is the day that changed many people's lives. It's a day that I reflect on every year....It's not something I talk about, really, but for some reason, its on my mind heavy this year. The Westside Shooting.

    March 24th, 1998...I went to school like any other day. I was in choir when an announcement came over the intercom. It told the teachers to lock the doors, and make sure no students leave the room. The Westside High music building was between the high school campus and middle school campus, Separated by a baseball field.
    When they said to lock the students in, naturally everyone was curious. Police cars started to pull into the driveway on the end on campus that connected the 2 campuses. They started putting on bullet proof vests, and pulling shotguns from their trunks. I just assumed it was a drug bust or whatever...After a few minutes of not knowing what the hell was going on, our teacher let us turn on the TV. KAIT was reporting of a shooting at Westside middle school. It was immediate panic in the classroom. How is it that the news was reporting it before the school told us? We had to hear it from the news first....Most of the students panicked because they had brothers or sisters in the middle school. About 30 minutes passed before a boy from the middle school ran over to the music building to give us an update....One of the students' in my classes sister had been shot, but it was unclear at that time what her condition was. Everybody's response was to comfort the classmate that just learned from a middle schooler that her sister had been shot. We didn't know at that time, that her sister would later pass away. She was one of 5 people that died that day. 4 students, and one very brave teacher.
    I remember my dad picking me up from school, and driving me home. I was just kind of out of it. In shock over what had just happened. When we got home, my grandmother was there, washing outside windows...when I pulled up, she broke down and started crying. It was the first time I recall ever seeing her cry. It was then that I realized exactly how scary it must've been for my family to hear that on the news, and not know if I was OK.
   I think we should take a moment and remember the victims of that day, and the families, that still suffer because of the events that took place.

The 5 fatalities that occurred that day....I want you to know that I still think about you.

1. Natalie Brooks, age 11, student

2. Paige Ann Herring, age 12, student

3. Stephanie Johnson, age 12, student

4. Britthney Ryen Varner, age 11, student

5. Shannon Wright, age 32, teacher

Here is the wikipedia article for those who are unfamiliar with the events.

Westside Shooting Wiki

No Sleep....

Ever since getting hired on at my new job (I start Monday), my mind just goes 99mph when I lie down. I start a new job, moving out on my own for the first time. It's all so much to absorb. I know I need sleep but the waiting is killing me! I feel like I should be doing something in preparation for next month. I'll admit it's difficult to not have someone to wake up and bounce ideas off of at 4am. Maybe that's why I'm divorced now that I think about it....
    Saturday is my last day at FedEx. I'll rest Sunday and start work Monday. It'll take some adjustment to get use to getting up at 7am again. I'm hoping I will acclimate quickly, so I'm not a walking zombie. I honestly didn't have much to say, but just wanted to do something to distract my brain for a minute and kind of reset.

Until next time....

I'm sorry that I'm not sorry.....

     One thing that I have noticed since writing my blog is that EVERY SINGLE POST pisses at least one person off for one reason or the other. The thing is, this is my blog. I want my readers to know that I appreciate your opinions, and I respect your opinions, but this blog has been and always will be, my personal thoughts. That unfortunately means that you (as the reader) has to understand that before reading any of my posts. I do have a tendancy to be a little eccentric and it can sometimes come across as me being a smartass.
     There is one thing that a lot of people don't realize. When I started this blog, I did it as a thing for friends and family. I never expected it to snowball into something as big as it has become, so sometimes, I tend to treat it as only my friends and family are going to see it. I think thats honestly a good thing for the readers because it makes it more authentic, and intimate. At the end of the day, I guess I'm selfish, because I do this blog for me. Its a way to get my thoughts down and out of my head, and in some cases it clears my head.

    It's ok if you get pissed at some of the things I write, because you are just as entitled to your opinion as I am mine, but don't expect any apologies from me for something I said. I know that sounds harsh, but nobody is making you read my blog. You can feel free to leave a comment if you wish to disagree, in fact, I welcome it. Each comment has to be approved by me, but this is just to keep spam off my blog. I will NOT censor what you feel the need to say.

    AS ALWAYS thanks for reading!

2012: Off to a good start....

    Here it is, March 15th, and so far 2012 is shaping up to be a better year than 2011. Things were relatively slow in January and February. It was more of a time of change and adjustment to my new lifestyle. I made a few new friends, and remembered exactly why it was so great living on my own. Not that Mom and Terry haven't been gracious, but I hate coming home late and trying to sneak around as to not disturb them.
   I met and befriended a really great lady in late January, and have hung out with her some, but my time has been been sparse due to a crazy work schedule at FedEx. I knew that I would soon have to start looking for a new job, because frankly, FedEx wasn't opening doors as quickly as I would have hoped, and I had to get out on my own again, so I could get on with my life. I started papering the town with my resume, and had a few hopeful interviews here and there that just didn't pan out.
    The first week in March I put my resume in at a local Non-Profit Counseling Clinic called Mid-South Health Systems. I put in for the "IT Helpdesk Coordinator" position. I knew it was a non-profit organization, and honestly I had turned them down for a previous position due to it being part time, and less pay than I was willing to accept. I got called within 2 days for an interview with the Manager of the Dept, and when I went in to meet him, I was very warmly greeted, and immediately felt at ease around him. It may have been the action figures on his desk, or our talk about the love of classic game Runescape. I did know however, that at that moment, I wanted to work someone like this. It's the first manager I have had in a VERY long time that I felt I had something in common with in the real world. I made sure to really express my interest in working for him, and letting him know that I felt I would get along well with the team. A couple days later I got an email from HR wanting to know if they could call references, and then an email from my manager asking for more info, and I kind of started to get the idea that they were going to hire me.
     Monday (12th) rolled around and I showed up for divorce court (with no voice due to strep) and finalized my divorce. So I was officially single again! Then on Wednesday I got a call from MSHS offering me the position, and offered me close to what I was making at Smurfit-Stone before the lay-off. Here is the kicker. MSHS offered me the position EXACTLY ONE YEAR TO THE DAY after my lay off from Smurfit! I thought that was rather strange.
     So, now I have a WONDERFUL job, I can move out on my own again (comfortably), I can get my kids on the weekends (because I work Mon-Fri now), I can visit friends and family on the weekends I don't have the kids, I can go to Xander's ball games. I can't tell you how excited I am. Getting this job offer completely changed my life. I know it sounds cliche, but I can finally breathe again, and be independent. Although, I have NEVER lived by myself. I have always either had a room mate or a live in gf/fiancee/spouse.

 I may need to get a cat....I've already decided to name him Mr. Bigglesworth, and call him Biggles, or maybe Biggs.

Didn't we pass that same tree earlier??

     Its almost embarrassing that I am at the point again of talking about dieting and exercising, but here I am...Walking in circles, just trying to figure myself out. Granted a lot has changed since my last attempt at weight loss, and the blog kind of strayed away from that and more towards my incessant whining about all the stuff that's wrong in my life. The cold harsh truth is that it was always under my control. Even more so now that I am no longer married. I'm still kind of bouncing around trying to figure out which way is North.
    My excuse to the lack of exercise in the past was always my back. Although that is still the case, I finally bit the bullet and became a member of a gym with a swimming pool, so that I can exercise with little to no impact on my back and hips. Since I am currently (albeit short term) living with Mom, I get to benefit from her corporate discount....

So with all that being said, The Food Diary will go back public on the blog (check the right side just under the banner) via a link to myfitnesspal.com

My goal is to walk (hopefully run) a 5K before the end of the year.

Moving onto to more personal matters, as I know my reader demographic is half and half as far as the weight loss/personal blog thing goes...

I got my very first tattoo! The meaning of the tattoo is simply, music is what keeps the heart beating. Simple enough yet effective and meaningful to me.

While I was sitting in the waiting room of the tattoo studio, I decided to play in the electric chair.

    The good thing about the tattoo is that it's easily covered, even by a short sleeve shirt, so I still maintain a professional appearance which is very important considering my current job hunt (which seems to be failing miserably)

    The kids and I are still adjusting to the new and weird visitation schedule. Unfortunately with my current job it makes it nearly impossible to get the kids together for any considerable amount of time. I work every weekend, and my days off are never together. So you can imagine what I'm dealing with. The kids are growing up so fast, it hurts. I really need a career where I can spend more time with them. I bought a fedora and a karaoke game (unrelated purchases), and took a couple of fun pictures of the ankle biters.

Gracie growing into a beautiful girl, and she loves on me and it melts my heart.

    I worry sometimes that my children will make the same mistakes that I made. I want them (just like every other daddy) to make the right decisions, and prioritize their lives. I love my children with every breath I take, but I can't help but wonder what kind of life they could have if I had gotten my college degree first. I'd have a decent job, maybe own my own home. Honestly, it's possible I could have even had happy marriage(s). A lack of money can really take its toll on the strongest of bonds.
    At the end of the day, everything I do is for them. They are my everything. Relationships will come and go, jobs, friends, mistakes, bills....everything is temporary and fleeting. Life by definition is fleeting. Family is one thing that you will always have. If you play your cards right, and think of your family, it can be the ONLY stability in your life, especially in turbulent times like today.
   Its the moments like what are pictured above that gets me out of bed in the morning, they make me smile when I'm down, and laugh when I'm crying. I love my kids. I hope to share them with someone, someday that really deserves them, and will treat them like they deserve to treated.