If you're fat, you have no style....

The title must be a stereotype. Not only is it common, but it's very frustrating. (obviously the shirts pictured below are embellished for entertainment purposes)

Allow me to explain. If you aren't big, you likely won't understand where I am coming from. However, trying to shop for clothes is quite embarrassing when you are a big person.

I for one love the style direction that clothes are going in. I have always been a fan of retro and dingy looking clothes. So, I decided with my income tax return this year, I was going to finally bite the bullet and get some new clothes. With extra money in my bank account, I stroll into JCPenney as they actually have a decent collection of big and tall shirts....IF you have the style of Tom Arnold. You walk in and you see all these nice clothes. I am thinking wow, I like that let see if they make that in size FAT. I walk over to the big and tall section and I am greeted with the most horrendous shirts I have ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on. I feverishly look around for the manufacturer of the really nice shirt I saw in the other section. I see a sign wavering above the clothes. I snake my way through all the cargo pants and Bill Cosby sweaters. I finally reach my destination, and what is waiting on me?

What the hell is this! It looks like Picasso upchucked on this shirt. Who would buy this. I look around on the rack and they have 20 different colorations of the same pattern. I think to myself..."This couldn't have been cheaper to manufacture than that other shirt I saw." What is the motivation to print this horrible thing.

I start to look around again. My eyes catch on some plaid shirts. Hey, I actually like the plaid pattern. Maybe I found something palatable. I flurry over to the rack with the plaid patterns. This looks promising! I reach up and pull the plaid shirt out and I am greeted with....

WHAT IS THIS SHIT! WHY!???!!?!! WHO THE F&*K would wear this! This is point where I scour the shirt hopelessly wondering if a seam ripper would fix this atrocity before resigning it to fate that once again, I would be destined to purchase solid color pique polos once again.

I decide to look through the "designer" tee's while I'm at penneys. Oh look, a shirt that says "big pappa". Oh that's cute, its a shirt with a twinkie on it... Screw it...im shopping from home.

I go home and open my best friend....Amazon.com. They never fail me. I search for "Big & Tall shirts". A hefty amount of results are returned. I am relieved as I started to scroll through them. I see a shirt that I love, I click it. Wow, its on sale! I scroll over to the "choose size" button and click it. "S, M, L, XL" Um, ok....maybe they are out of stock. NOPE. EVERY DAMN SHIRT IS THE SAME. The Manufacturer has listed my size as one of the available sizes JUST SO amazon will list their shirt in my listings. Thank you for showing me what I can have.

At this point, I am so frustrated, that I just buy my solid color polos AGAIN and call it a day.

Here is my question.

While these manufacturers are making all these stylish clothes for the people lucky enough to not be fat. Would it really be so hard to go ahead and make them in bigger sizes. Is it really necessary to make only ugly clothes for the fat guys. It's not like you sell these horrible patterns on the smaller sizes, so what's the incentive. The fat people are no longer the minority, so wake up and fire that bastard who is making these decisions and make some nice clothes for us. And here is another idea. When you do make those nice clothes. Don't double the mark up and profit margin you dickheads.

Pumped up Kicks isn't the culprit

     Before I get into this rant, I feel like I need to explain, that I do so with a heavy heart. The subject of school shootings is one that hits home with me. I went to Westside High School during the Westside Shooting, so I don't take these things lightly. I am also the father of an 8 yr old, so my heart goes out to the victims and the families of Sandy Hook Elementary.

     With that being said, I think we have a real problem when things like this happen. It seems when something happens that doesn't make sense to us, we attempt to grasp at straws, and blame these tragedies on anything that we can. There is a song called "Pumped Up Kicks" that I am sure you have heard recently. This song has been out for over a year. It has managed to fly under the radar as do many other great Indie songs. However with the recent tragic event that took place, their song has been pulled from the air. Now, I understand the lyrics are controversial. However, how exactly did a shooting suddenly cause people to be offended by it? The lyrics haven't changed since it was first released.  A song doesn't reach #3 on the billboards because most people find the lyrics offensive.
     Now, I hate to be the one to blow this horn, but songs are a form of expression. Therefore, it falls clearly under the free speech realm. Now, I know most people will say that simply pulling the song off the air doesn't mean people can't listen to it on youtube. Therefore, it hasn't truly been censored. This is BS. You know it and I know it. Kiss FM is one of the largest nationally syndicated radio stations in the U.S., and one of the most popular. By doing this, they have essentially snubbed this band.
     It's not like the band isn't being supportive. They are calling for stronger gun laws (which I won't even go into), and for donations for the school, and the victims families. Regardless of what political agendas they might have, their hearts are in the right place.

     It's not just Foster the People that are having to endure this type of censorship. Ke$ha is also dealing with it. Her song "Die Young" has also been pulled from the air. It won't stop with just music either. Games, Movies, and just about any other type of media or expression that may or may not imply any time of violence. This isnt the first time this has happened either. If American citizens are going to have these kind of "values" when a tragedy strikes, then they need to be consistent with them. Not just when its politically correct, but all the time. It's one of the biggest problems with our society today. Political Correctedness is taken too seriously. We are too afraid to hurt someones feelings in public. However, we go home and put on our headphones and we still listen to the songs. We still play the games. There is a word for this. It's hypocrite.

     I understand that the shooting was terrible. This is not to undermine or trivialize it in any way. I am just so sick of people suddenly gaining a conscience and looking down their noses at things that were just fine until something bad happened.

Foster The People, Ke$ha, Guns, Video Games.....
These things did NOT cause the tragedy. A person's actions caused it. Somebody made a conscious decision to pick up the gun. We need to understand that these types of things are going to happen. We may not ever understand them. We just need to know that ITS OK if we don't understand them. It's the times that we live in. Some people are sick, and rational thinkers simply aren't going to understand the series of events that led up to them committing these horrible acts. Mourn the lost, raise awareness, and comfort the victims families as best as we can. Don't point the bony finger of blame at things that are easy targets.

Achievement Unlocked: Life

     Anyone who has played games (especially on Xbox) know about achievements. They are given to you by completing certain goals and objectives in a game. Some are as easy as finishing the first level, or killing your first enemy. Some seem downright impossible, like completing the entire game without firing a single shot, or without dying. Some people (called achievement hunters) do everything they can to complete every achievement for every game. Depending on the difficulty you are typically awarded achievement points that serve no purpose whatsoever except for bragging rights. While achievements made a name for themselves on Xbox, almost all games have them now. All the way down to mobile games.

       Now, lets work that imagination for a moment. Imagine for a moment if you will, that life had achievements. From the moment you take your first breath to the moment you take your last, you are awarded achievements for life goals. Maybe when you are younger the achievements are simple. "Achievement Unlocked: Shit pants - 10 pts" How awesome would it be to be able to go back and look at the list of achievements you have done so far. It would be even funnier for those people who want to "live life to the fullest" and complete any achievements they may have missed. That could have some serious comedic value. Say there was an achievement for riding a pony or playing on the Burger King indoor playground. I could just imagine seeing an adult putting themselves in ridiculous situation for the sake of completion. 

     This would also be helpful for catching liars and cheaters. That girl from when you were in school that swore she was a virgin, when in reality she had sex with half the football team. You could actually track that shit. Yea, it says here that you unlocked the achievement "losin' it" in '94. It would be even worse if you decided to have sex with someone. Hey lets "ding" together. I'm ready to ding. Then you finish up and an achievement pops up above your head "Achievement Unlocked - Losin' It - 25pts" How awkward would it be when your girlfriend didn't get the achievement, because of the "7 minutes in heaven" game that went a bit to far at that college party. 

     Obviously the Achievement tracker would need some type of privacy controls. After all, you wouldn't want your parents to see all your achievements. No Dad, I didn't egg the principals house. I was with friends that did it, and I got the achievement for being a member of the party at the time. 

     Then there is the obvious issue of deciding what items are tracked. For instance, not many people would want to look back and see that they unlocked the achievement for having sex with 100 different sex partners,  or for drinking an entire bottle liquor in one sitting. Although these things would be good to know about someone if you were getting to know them.

   So what was the last achievement you unlocked? What achievements do you still need? 

One last post before the Apocalypse.

     Where to start, I decided to check on the stats of my blog when I suddenly realized that I haven't done an entry in almost 2 months. The sad truth is that not a lot has been going on as of late. A lot of school and work. That's about it. I had decided last month to really get out and attempt to start dating again. After having successfully tapered down to just .5 mg per day of klonopin, I was feeling much better and continue to do so. I am still on Celexa though, and I don't really see myself dropping it any time soon.
     I did meet a great woman last month. She lives a couple of hours away, but I get to see her regularly enough. She really has shown me how patient and sweet some women can be. I wasn't the easiest person to date. I had a lot of reservations at first, because I honestly wasn't sure I was ready. I went for it, and frankly, I felt like I was being shady, but she pushed through it, and I am very happy about it.
   
     I had a successful semester in school, and I am looking forward to going back next semester. I'm quite ready to get finished up with school, and move on from it. Although, I'm still not sure what I am going to do with my degree. I have a pretty sweet set up where I am working, and I'm not entirely sure I would like to leave it.
     The kids are continuing to grow like weeds. Xander played full contact football this summer, and did great. Even though he has a small stature, we wasn't afraid to jump right in (at least most of the time). Gracie is coming along well too. I cant believe how big she is getting!


     So, here we are. Exactly one week until the end of the world as we know it. Tensions are high (as are most people that take this seriously), and we are just sitting and waiting. I hope everyone else had the foresight that I have to go out and blow your entire life savings on non-perishables, and firearms and Ammo. I figured, hell....I won't need the money. After all, the money will be no good after the Zombie uprising, which I am still concerned will start in Florida. Not because of the odd goings on that have happened in recent history there. I believe it will happen there because of the old people. Old people will get sick, then the fat people (because they are slow enough for the old people to get), then children, followed by mother's and lastly...Fathers. If you don't have any children you are safe at least until the Zombie child is tired of eating Mommy and Daddy and decide to go after their aunts and uncles. The safest people during the apocalypse are only children that have no kids. I have put a lot of thought in this. so trust me. I will have the kids after work on the 21st, so if its going to happen, I feel like I will be safer. They will eat their Moms first, unless the apocalypse happens late at night, in which case, I fall into the 2nd and 3rd categories. I'm fat, and I will be the only parent around. I feel like I have spent far too much time explaining my rational thoughts to you, so I digress.
     All I know is that after buying all the guns and ammo, I can't afford Christmas. So, if this turns out not be true, I am going to have to give cases of ammunition and possibly firearms to my children for Christmas. Although, I'm sure if this doesn't pan out, there will be another end time theory right around the corner.

    Here is to hoping that all your Apocalypse wishes and Zombie dreams come true!

Talk to you on the other side of 12/21/12.

Octoberween, an excuse to be weird.

     It's October 1st, its nice and cool out this morning, and everything feels just right. It's the perfect start to Octoberween. If we can celebrate Christmas for a month, why not Halloween? After all, its a time where taboo is acceptable, and even embraced.  For those that know me, I embrace this culture year round. However, I tend to get the high brow when people see my psycho themed bathroom or my "Orgy of the Dead" Movie poster in my room.
    I decided to do a 31 day FRIGHT FEST for movies. I am going to make a list of 31 of my favorite horror films and watch one per night until Halloween. However, I am faced with the haunting task of picking out only 31 movies. I am a huge campy horror fan, so believe it or not this could be a challenge.

    This year will be different from any of my past Halloweens in that I have always celebrated my Halloween with someone. Whether it was a girlfriend, fiance, or wife. This year, however, I have to be able to entertain myself, which shouldn't be too difficult. Although I do need to find a fun costume party to go to. Then I need to pick out a costume.

   As always I will be carving my fair share of Jacks. Compliments of Zombie Pumpkins! He has a fantastic site and memberships starting at just $5. He's not paying me for this plug, its just that the owner is a great guy, and takes care of his members. Its a tight knit community, so check it out.

Now on to my 31 nights of fright!

Oct. 1 - Cabin Fever                        
Oct. 2 - Child's Play
Oct. 3 - The Happening
Oct. 4 - Paranormal Activity
Oct. 5 - Paranormal Activity 2
Oct. 6 - Paranormal Activity 3
Oct. 7 - Mirrors
Oct. 8 - Saw
Oct. 9 - The Ring
Oct. 10 - IT
Oct. 11 - The Shining
Oct. 12 - The Descent
Oct. 13 - 1408
Oct. 14 - Evil Dead 2
Oct. 15 - Abraham Lincoln Vs Zombies
Oct. 16 - Friday the 13th (1980)
Oct. 17 - A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Oct. 18 - Poltergeist
Oct. 19 - Poltergeist 2
Oct. 20 - Psycho (1960)
Oct. 21 - Exorcist
Oct. 22 - Insidious
Oct. 23 - Drag me to Hell
Oct. 24 - Trick 'r Treat
Oct. 25 - Hellraiser
Oct. 26 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Oct. 27 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
Oct. 28 - Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Oct. 29 - Wolf Creek
Oct. 30 - Troll Hunter
Oct. 31 - Halloween

As much as I would like to include the sequels there isn't enough time in the month. Obviously, there is enough time in one night that I will probably do some sequels. Especially on Friday the 13th, and Nightmare on Elm Street. I would encourage you to definitely watch some of these if you haven't seen them. There are some pretty cheesy movies in there, but I do enjoy a good campy movie.

I will go in once I get home and add some old Halloween photos to my photoshare :)

Have fun with Octoberween and don't forget, It's ok to be weird!

If you are going through hell, keep going.

     I believe it was Winston Churchill that once said "If you are going through Hell, keep going"
Like most of Churchill's quotes, its a little "quippy" and simple, but if you really take the time to think about it, it's a pretty genius quote.

     I have failed time and time again when I set goals for myself. Some of my faithful readers have probably noticed this, and it's quite embarrassing. So, I just kind of gave up for a while. I decided to start therapy, and each week my therapist starts by asking what I want to talk to about this week. I realized that even when I explained the small irrelevant things that I had changed (at least in my eyes), she helped me to realize that all these little simple changes have huge impacts on the way I feel from day to day.  It made me wonder if the reason I was failing (and continue to do so) is because I'm expecting too much out of myself, too quickly.
     So, let me start small. I'll quit WoW first and foremost. It's keeping me up too late and taking up too much of my time. So, I quit WoW. Easy enough....I found myself with all this free time to do the things that are more important like schoolwork. Sever close ties with Amanda was next. I have been far to buddy buddy with my ex wife, and that has cause me a lot of grief and depression. When we would speak I would find myself practically begging to start over again, and it was detrimental to my emotional well being. I had a talk with Amanda, and we agreed to only speak on matters that involve Gracie.
     These small changes were so easy, and already I was seeing the benefits of them. Next, I decided no more sugary drinks. I still have my energy drinks, but its Monster Rehab Green Tea + Energy (10 cal, sugar free), the rest of the day I drink water. I decided to do something different with my night aside from TV to keep myself from lulling into a vegetative state, so I decided to listen to music instead, something to kind of keep me going. I tried it, and before I knew it, I had my chair and couch pulled out, cleaning around them and vacuuming underneath them, and I worked on my house for several hours. I felt great. I ended up not watching any tv last night.
     So, instead of making huge promises that I know I can't keep, I'm taking baby steps. One step at a time. My next endeavor is to drastically reduce alcohol consumption. Not that I'm a raging alcoholic right now, but I know that drinking has adverse effects on my anti-depressants. When I feel like I am where I need to be on that, then I will move on. Eventually, maybe I can turn it into a healthy lifestyle.

    In other news, there is a federally funded program through Arkansas Rehabilitation services that is willing to pay for my gastric sleeve in full if I can meet certain criteria. I meet all criteria except 1, which is to have 1 full year of documented physician structured diet and exercise plans. I mean, my doctor knows I've tried dieting, but I haven't had an official dietitian, so I'm not sure that's going to work out yet. I am getting everything together for that now, and will keep you updated.

    I went and got a Ben Folds tattoo a couple of weeks ago. Its a very simple sketch tattoo, but it holds a quote that means a lot to me.

It says. "It hurts to grow up...and we're still fighting it"

I posted a questionnaire on FB page and my readers seem to want me to go back to video blogging. I plan on doing this, but keep in mind, it will not be the same as before. No fancy title sequence, or anything like that. It will likely just be my mug.

Until I see you guys again.
Keep Breathing in and out

Back to school!

   You know what that means? No school kids on WoW to ruin my play time. I'm kidding of course (kinda). I'm taking 12 hours this semester in an "online environment". I literally have nothing else to do, so I figure I will do well. It's better than playing games on my butt at home. Well, I will still be sitting on my butt at home, but I will do it constructively, not to say that leveling my engineering in WoW isn't constructive. It's just not constructive to society.
   I decided to bite the bullet and start going back to therapy, (le sigh). I'm still on the same anti-depressants that I was on during the separation and divorce, and they don't really seem to be keeping up like I feel they should, and I get a handful of free sessions seeing as how I work at an outpatient clinic. I really don't have an excuse. Although it could make for an awkward conversation when my therapist calls for technical support. I tried to pick the most low maintenance (IT wise) therapist I could think of to avoid such interactions. Therapy is already so awkward to begin with.
   The weather has been a bit cooler over the past couple of days and I'm starting to get the itch for fall. I love the fall weather. Not to mention Halloween approaches when the weather starts to cool off. Ryan has his cogs turning on the new Zombie Pumpkins! site. He has started releasing teaser pics and a title guessing contest. If you haven't checked it out,  you should. Zombie Pumpkins!
   This will be my first Halloween by myself EVER. I'm not sure yet what I am going to do with myself, but hopefully I can find some trouble to get into. If anyone is planning a party, let me know!

   Dating life hasn't had much yet worth blogging, but its slowly moving along. Taking my time is the best measure I think. Plus with school starting back, I figure I will have that much less time.

  If you are in school...Good Luck!