Another week on the books....

     Well, I mentioned earlier this week that I had a lot of job prospects out there. I'm still really hoping for the position at a place called Container Components. They make lids, hinges, and casters for dumpsters. The job pays well, and I'll be doing basically the same thing that I did at Smurfit Stone. I have also been offered a job as a wireless phone salesman that will pay commission. I need to negotiate salary though before I can make a final decision on which job I want.
    My therapist tells me that finding a job is going to be a huge step in overcoming my anxiety and depression. I think he is really on to something, because even on the days that I'm running around for interviews and such, I can tell a difference in my attitude. I think its possible to spend too much time at home. If you would have asked me 6 months ago, I would have sworn that I would never get tired of staying home with my family. Don't get me wrong. I love my family and I feel blessed to have them, but sometimes you need to get away from the house.
     I have found myself losing interest in the simple things that use to bring me joy when I was staying at home. I think it has more to do with boredom than depression. I'm ready to get back out into the work field and do something with myself. I really hope I get the call next week.
     On another note, Amanda has decided to go back to school. She is starting mortuary school of all things. Its apparently something she has wanted to do for a while. I don't understand it fully, but if it is something that she will enjoy, I support it. One thing I have learned from depression is that if it makes you happy, do it. It's such a simple idea, but I think that a lot of people forego what makes them happy because they are afraid of what others will think. This is something I am determined to teach my kids early on. There is a point when you are a kid where the idea of doing what makes you happy leaves....and for a lot of people it doesn't come back. I think it has a lot to do with pressures in high school to fit in.
     My foot is feeling better. I have been able to get around fairly easy on it. I'm still not exactly sure how I broke my foot. I almost laughed when I read that stress fractures are common among athletes. I guess that's one thing that athletes and fat people have in common...
     We have a little over a month before our big trip to Birmingham. I'm really starting to stress over how we are going to finance the trip. I really hope that I have a job by then. That will help the financing of the trip tremendously. The only thing left to pay for is the hotel, and gas. Then of course we have food and fun, but luckily our idea of fun is a quiet night at the hotel room with a good movie and some beer.
     I finally got my video editing software up and running, but I lost all my old footage. Its on youtube, so I'm hoping I can lift the intro video off of one of my old videos, because that thing was a pain in the ass to make. I have a camcorder full of videos that I haven't been able to touch because of the software situation. Im sure the youtube viewers have about given up on me.
     Gracie is crawling around like you wouldn't believe. She is so close to walking. Sometimes when she stands up, I halfway expect to take off running, but she usually just falls on her butt.

As always, I will update you guys when I hear back on the job situation and make a decision on it.

Here is a patriotic picture of Gracie. These are her 4th of July pics.

When it Rains, it pours....

     Well, I missed the train on McD's, but I think maybe that was in the cards for me.
I had an interview today at Russell Wireless that went very well. I also have 2 interviews tomorrow, and I got another phone call today from an employer that is wanting to hire me.
     The guy at Russell Wireless pretty much told me he wanted to hire me, but that there wouldn't be an opening for me until the end of the month. So worst case scenario, Ill have a job at the end of the month. However, there still needs to be some negotiations on the pay rate, which he says will come at a later date.

On another note, I somehow managed a stress fracture in my right foot. Let me tell you, it kills! They gave me tramadol (which I hate) for the pain. It makes me sick at my stomach, and gives me a hell of a hangover.

Ill keep you guys posted on the job situation, and I'll let you know when a decision is made. I'm definitely seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have 3 people wanting to hire me!

Sometimes, pride gets the best of you...

     So, as most of my readers know, I have been looking feverishly for a job. I have had a handful of interviews, and I have been given answers from "you are overqualified" to "we filled the position from within the company".
     I realize that the problem is that when I interview, I'm up against 50 other applicants. I try not to make excuses, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if my weight has anything to do with whether or not I get a job. Obviously a potential employer would never admit to this, but let's face. Obesity is linked to (although unfairly) to laziness. When I have a job, I perform to the best of my abilities, which in most cases has led to my getting promoted fairly quickly. I am in no means trying to brag. I'm just trying to explain that when I have a job to do, I do it well.
    First let me tell you what interviews I have had, and the answers I have gotten.

1. Grainger- Interview went well, the job was doing exactly what I did at Smurfit. I got some automated email about how they chose another canditate.
2. Staffmark- Scored very high on all my exams, and they tried to get me in at Jimco. Jimco said I was "overqualified" for the position, and I would be better suited for a supervisory position.
3. Ascent Health Care- Interview went well, I was offered a job to drive mentally challenged kids on a van to and from home for $8.00 an hour. I would have made less than what I'm drawing for unemployment. They offered me a position, I turned it down.
4. Southern Marketing Associates- Interview went well, I was in the top two candidates, and a college graduate was chosen over me.
5. Express Personnel- offered a job in Pocahontas for $9.00 an hour. Again, not enough to justify the drive to pocahontas. I am making more money on unemployment,
6. A.I.D. Professional Employment- application in, waiting to hear on a local position.
7. Express Pawn-Interview went well, nice paying job, filled 3 positions with other people. No explanation asked or given. 

    Now, this is just interviews I have had. This doesn't include the countless applications I have put in. I put in 6 applications at St. Bernard's Regional Medical Center alone. I have received 4 rejection emails. I have applied for FedEx, UPS, SubTeach, USPS, Best Buy, Target, Radio Shack, AT&T, Nordex, Nicepak, Wal-mart, Kmart, Dollar General, Verizon, Sprint, and many many many more. 

   This brings me to where I am today. I got a call from Russell Wireless (Verizon) for an interview, and spoke in depth with the manager about the position, and feel like I will be offered a position. The Verizon will be a base salary plus commission, so the earning potential is high. I have not YET been offered offered a position with this company, but I feel like I will get a job offer.

     Today, I interview with McDonalds, YES, I said McDonalds. They offered me a job on the spot, 27,000 per year, plus profit sharing and bonuses, with the ability to promote very quickly to general manager (which I am told pays over $40k per year. This is where my pride steps in. I do not like the idea of taking a job at McDonalds. I feel like I am taking a leap backwards. I put my 4 years in at Sonic, and I swore I would never go back to fast food. However, 27K is over twice what I'm making now, and just a couple grand less than what I was making at my last job.

    The problems are many, but the main problems with working at McDonald's is as follows. 

1. Fast Food means I'll be on my feet all day
2. They are going to make me shave my beard!!!!!!!!!
3. I will stink like stale disgusting grease.
4. I will have weird hours. No telling which shift I will work.

     So once I was offered the job at McD's, I immediately called the Verizon manager and explained that I owe McDonald's an answer by Tuesday at the latest. I made sure he understood that I would rather work selling cell phones, than Hamburgers. He is going to try to get me in by Saturday for an interview with the district manager.

     I guess my question is; Should I take a job at McDonald's. Am I "too good" to work at McD's. Should I suck it up and take a job on my feet again for 27k? There is definite room for advancement at McD's, but I will also be around food all the time, which is no good for a fat ass like me. 

    I have to make a decision by Monday...so I have a lot of thinking to do.

     On another note, I have NOT been exercising. I haven't gone to Fitness Boot Camp in two weeks. My depression is worse now than it has ever been, so I decided to make an appt for a shrink to try to get to the root of my depression problems. It is getting in the way of my weight loss, and my health. I drag my ass out of bed most days at 1PM. I have a feeling that once Cornelius reads this, he will not be happy. After all it has been proven that exercise helps depression. I feel like I have disappointed him, and myself. I don't want it to make my friends and readers question my will to lose weight. However, it will be hard to understand for anyone that has never suffered from depression. It really is debilitating. I just hope that the shrink will have some ideas on how to overcome it.

     I want/need to get back to Fitness Bootcamp. I need Cornelius to kick my ass into submission. Sometimes I think to myself. "You need to get the hell up and do something. You are a fat ass, and if you don't fix yourself, you will not live to see Gracie or Xander graduate." Then the other side of me says "just sit on your ass and continue to feel sorry for yourself, it doesn't matter anyway".

   

     I appreciate the readers that take the time to listen to my rants, and my attempt to feel sorry for myself. I know that there are people that have it much worse than me, but I enjoy being able to vent to my readers and at least have the illusion that someone out there is interested in what I have to say.

P.S. GUS, where have you been? 

     

BFL Family Update.

     Things have just kind of been crawling for the Bolings lately. We've had Xander since last week, and he's staying until next week. I've been attending Fitness Boot Camp, but I haven't been attending much yet because I have still not been able to meet up with Cornelius. I feel bad for continuing to go and not doing anything to hold up my end of the sponsorship. I'm hoping he will have time to sit down soon. He has been very busy. I have been going at least once a week for now until I can get a sit down with him. From there I will figure out how often I need to go without overdoing it.
     Xander lost his first tooth the other night. That was exciting. I knew it was ready to come out, but he was moping around being a weenie about letting anyone touch it. He finally plucked up the courage and walked up to me and said "Ok, pull it out, Daddy". I said ok. I reached in his mouth and barely got a hold of it, and he crumpled in the floor like a pile of laundry and started crying. I couldn't help but laugh at him being so dramatic. He went ahead and ate with the tooth barely hanging on, so I had to tell him to make sure not to swallow it! He came back in the living room with tears in his eyes again because his loose tooth was bothering him. He cried for like 30 min, and I finally had to tell him to go to his room if he was going to act like that! He decided to let me have another shot at pulling it. I barely plucked it, and it popped right out. Xander was instantly happy. I tried to explain to him that he acted silly over a loose tooth, but I seem to remember being a bit dramatic about my first loose tooth as well.

   
     I still have been keeping a horrible sleep schedule. I'm going to bed most nights/mornings around 4AM, and get up at 11AM or so. Im trying to change it around, but Gracie usually isnt in bed until late, and I enjoy the quiet time after she goes to bed. I'm not exactly sure how this sleep schedule effects my health and well being. I feel like I'm getting enough rest, I just have an odd schedule. I should probably look into it. Although, most days I feel guilty when I wake up so late. I feel like I've wasted the day.
     I haven't been doing alot of videos lately, because there really doesn't seem to be anything interesting enough to vlog about. As stated before, we really haven't been doing a lot. Amanda's crafting has been on hiatus, so she has taken to Sims 3, and of course Gracie. She has also found a website called Pinterest that she really loves to frequent. I've been doing a lot of modding on my phone to kill time.
     I have been looking feverishly for work. I've applied at several places, and I am doing interviews. I was offered a job working 30 hours a week, but I would have made less than I am making drawing unemployment, so obviously, I turned it down. There is one particular job that I am holding out hope for. He is interviewing ALOT of people though, so I hope my interview was memorable. I have another interview next Thursday with a local AT&T call center, but I just really don't know that I would jive there. I could do the work, and the pay is better than unemployment. Not nearly as good as my previous job, but I can't expect a miracle job with no degree. I just know that money is tight and I really need a job quickly. I tend to get anxious over money very easily. It causes me a lot of unhealthy stress. So, I'm trying to keep an open mind during my job search.
     Gracie has started pulling up on things, and every now and again she will decide to let go, and just stand there flailing her arms. Every time she does it, it scares the crap out of me, but she does well to grab ahold of something if shes about to fall. Every once in a while you will hear a loud -THUD- and she will be sitting on her butt in the floor, clapping her hands.

     She is still sleeping like crap on most nights. The doctors say she is just a "needy baby". I feel sorry for Amanda some nights. I've tried on several occasions to put her down myself to help out, but she just wont go down for me. She immediately pops her little eyes open when I lay her down. Its so frustrating to have an 8 month old daughter that keeps my wife from having happy healthy sleep. I know it will pass, but sometimes, it just seems like its never going to end! I speak like its some skin off my teeth, but I'll be honest....I have it easy. Amanda does most everything when it comes to the actual care and feeding of the baby. I just play with her and act goofy. Mom has been helping when she can by keeping Gracie overnight once a month or so, and man, those nights are wonderful! Its a huge burden, so we hate to really ask anyone to do it for us. Mom just ended up volunteering one day, and we took her up on it. Its wonderful to have a night to just sit and cuddle with Amanda and not have to worry about a fussy baby!
     Thanks for sticking with me on this post. It was long overdue, so it had a lot of content. I hope to get you guys a vlog soon.

Ch..ch..ch...changes!

     The fitnesspal food and exercise tracker will cease to exist as of today on the blog. I will be creating an exercise journal in the very near future, but I will be on a very strict meal plan, and myfitnesspal.com food tracker does not track the type of foods I am planning on taking. Regardless of whether or not we work out a deal on the fitness boot camp meals, I am going to do his supplements going forward.
     I have an appointment with Cornelius tomorrow to iron out the rest of the details on the sponsorship, at which time, BIG FAT LOSER will undergo some slight changes in appearance, frequency of posts, and types of posts. I will also be attending "Legs" day tomorrow. I had arms day today and had a very good workout. Cornelius has been very busy lately, so the meet and greet, and setting up the details of the sponsorship has taken a little longer than either of us expected.
     My immediate goal is to attend 3-4 days a week. I don't think I will be doing ab classes just yet, unless of course Corn thinks its necessary. I was very happy to see that I was back down to my starting weight of 360 the other day at the Dr. I think the Paxil was really making me out on the lbs!
     As far as the Paxil goes, the withdrawals have pretty much ended. I still have some mood swings here and there, but for the most part, the brain zaps are gone, as well as the feeling of impending doom. I feel like I have a clean slate, and I have been doing very well with the boot camp. I will admit, sometimes its hard to go to boot camp. I don't always look forward to it. I can definitely say that the more I am going, the more I enjoy going. People keep telling me that I will get addicted, and I look forward to that. It will also help once I get some weight off and I am able to stay motivated.
      I am putting a lot of faith in the crew at FBC unlimited. So far the team seems great. I am just enjoying my back spot! I gotta make sure I get there early enough to get a spot in the back of the class, because sometimes I feel really awkward out there dancing around. Sometimes its hard to get the rest of my body to stop when I do!!!!

    I will update my readers tomorrow after the meeting with Cornelius.

Thanks alot Fitness Boot Camp!

Heres a linky loo for those who would like it.  FBC Unlimited
Also please check out FBC's Facebook Fan Page and Twitter

The twitter page hasn't been updated in a while, but all that is about to change. Stay tuned, and please follow them on twitter, and like them on Facebook.

Also don't forget to find my Facebook Fan Page and click the "Like" button!

We are in for a fun ride!

It's time to go back to work...

     So, I think I have decided to go ahead and seek full time employment, and attend school at night. Unfortunately, Unemployment is simply not enough to enjoy the lifestyle that we are use to. Part time jobs are difficult to come by right now. The few I have found pay so little, that its hardly worth trying to work all the hours for the small pay.
     I have 2 more interviews lined up this week. One on Tuesday and one on Wednesday. The one on Wed. is for a sales position at a rather large auto dealership in Memphis. I have often toyed with the idea of going into auto sales, but I have honestly always been afraid to take the leap. This particular company guarantees $5000 salary during training as well as some other benefits. The pay would have to be really good for me to make the commute though.
     As much as I would like to stay at home and attend school and not work, I just don't think its feasible to do so. I spend more time worrying about money than its worth. Plus its unhealthy for me.
     I do have some good news though...I went to the doc a couple of days ago, and I have dropped 11 lbs since my first weigh in at Fitness Bootcamp. Thats good news!

3rd Wedding Anniversary

I dug up an old video that we played at our wedding in honor of our wedding anniversary. I hope y'all enjoy.