One moment of clarity can lead to a lifetime of happiness....

    I had a little bit of time to myself today while I was driving to Brookland to pick Lauren up. I was listening to Ben Folds song "Learn to Live With What You Are" I've probably listened to the song a hundred times, and never given it a second though past "I like this song". Today, I listened to the lyrics, and I realize that songs lyrics have different meanings to each person. Its kind of like a horoscope...if you read it enough, and put enough thought into it, you can make it relate to you in someway.
    The song today gave me a moment of self awareness (as cliche as it sounds), and a moment of clarity. Its been said a million times that depending on your beliefs you only get one shot at life. Sometimes its hard to do the things that your heart tells you to do, due to outside influence, such as family, friends, and money. Not that family is trying to hurt your future, they just worry about you. Sometimes a simple talk from someone that thinks they are helping you, can take the wind completely out of your sails. When everything boils down to its prime, the only thing you have is yourself, and your feelings. As time passes, influences will come and go (like everything does). One day you may remember a time when you had ambitions to do something that you think will make you happy, but you may feel its too late, or you are afraid to mention it again, because last time you were told it wouldn't be beneficial for you.
    I guess what Im saying is that sometimes, you just have to do what you feel in your heart that you should do. Something I have learned since suffering from depression is that, if something makes you happy, cling to it. For some it may be the hope of a family, or lots of money, or health, or to be closer to whatever your interpretation of God is. No matter what it is, if its healthy, cling to it. Sometimes you need to tell the ones you love that all you need is support. You feel very strongly about it, and you know it feels right.
    That's the purpose of this blog post. Since losing my job, I have found myself seriously questioning my future. Sure, I'm in school....and I'm majoring in Computer Sciences. Ill graduate one day, and maybe land a job making 60-70k a year, and I'll be able to have all the things I've always wanted. The real question is, "will I be truly happy at night, when I lay on my pillow?" For me, the answer is "maybe", I may be happy with a career in computers, its a growing industry. However, I'm pushing 30 now, and for me, maybe is NOT good enough anymore. I want to do something that will make me truly happy. There is only one career that will make me happy. That career is in music. Not to be a pop star sensation or anything like that....I want to TEACH music. I want to be a choir director.
   People will most likely tell me that it doesn't pay enough, or that fine arts is a dying thing in public schools. Frankly, I don't want to hear any of it. It's been said before, and I understand that I will never be rich. However, let me ask you this. Are you truly happy with your career? Most likely not. You spend 1/3 of your life at work. Why wouldn't you want a job that makes you happy?
   With that being said, I'm switching my major to music. My first true love was music. Music means different things to different people, so some people may not understand a love for music. I am personally tired of leading my life like others want me to live. I don't care that I wont be rich. Will my family be happier with money, and material things, or with happier with a happy healthy father/husband. I think the latter would make the most sense. I don't want to be rich. I want to live moderately, and have a fulfilling and happy career.
    I love my friends and family very much, and I know they only want whats best for me. However, I want everyone to know, that a career in music is what's best for me, and at this point, the only that I ask of you is your support. I want to make music. Music truly makes me happy, and when everything else is gone, all thats left is yourself. As they say, you are born alone, and you die alone. I know that sounds bleak, but in all reality, its true, and when my time comes, I want to know that I had a happy life. I won't care about money and possessions.

Sometimes
Everything you've ever wanted
Floats above
Sticking out its tongue and laughing
While everything
Anyone can ever need
Is down below
Waiting for you
To notice
There's never gonna be a moment of truth for you
While the world is watching
All you need is the thing you've forgotten
And that's to learn to live with what you are
  

   You know its funny....Ben Folds has had such a profound impact on my life. It sounds funny, I know....but his music played on my stereo when I separated from my first wife. His music played at my wedding. Gracie was named after his song "Gracie". His music has never failed me.