WHOA! That was a penis......

I think its safe to assume that I dont frequent the local gyms often. However, I was not expecting to immediately walk into the locker room and see an old wrinkly penis with a huge gray bush. Im not an unreasonable person. I understand that people have to change out of their nasty workout clothes, but I would at least have the decency to point my junk towards a wall or something so that innocent passers by dont see the goods. I tried not to show my surprise as I put my stuff in the locker and ran out to let him finish getting dressed. However, Im sure that my facial expression said it all. I put all my stuff in the locker and went up front to see the desk clerk.
He asked me what size Fitness 10 shirt I wanted...I was like "oh cool!" a free shirt. I asked for a 4XL and he looks at me and says "We only have up to a 3X". I said "So this gym is only for moderately fat people?". He just laughed and handed me the 3X. Some part of me wanted to think that I would be able to fit into a 3x eventually, but Im trying not to get my hopes up because I have an inherent habit of not following through. I took the shirt back to the locker room, but I was totally like James Bond this time....peeking around corner for any rogue penises. Luckily I was spared this time.
I went out to the recumbent bikes, and after 5 minutes of fumbling around with the buttons, I figured out that you have to pedal to get it to turn on. I set it to whatever the default exercise thing is and started pedaling away. I felt like I was pedaling thin air so I went ahead and set the resistance to 8 and kept going. I pedaled for about 10 minuted before checking my heart rate on the little metal handle (158). I thought damn, is that safe? I realized I didn't even realize what a normal heart rate was for cardio exercise. I kept pushing through it and kept a steady heart rate of about 140-160. I ended up exercising for 30 minutes, and biked just over 5 miles. I thought it was pretty good considering it was like my first trip to the gym EVER. I went to get up and almost immediately fell on face. I looked around to make sure nobody saw me, and then I very casually "jelly walked" to the locker room. One last Bond glance around the corner of the locker room to find it empty, then I was gone.
We are going over to Jonathan's tonight, so Im about to get a shower and get ready. Overall my first trip to the gym was ok. The place is nice and roomy. So I didn't feel like people were all up in my business.